Disclaimer: if you're looking for an update about our life over the past few weeks, that is not what this blog contains. But I will update Facebook with some of those details!
National Crisis
Angola is going through a crisis ... it's all over the news, it's all that's on anyone's minds. As a country with a primarily oil-dependent economy, Angola has taken a huge blow this year with the drop in oil prices. Sadly, this has made life more difficult for a lot of people, particularly the poor. I struggle with my role in all of this: what does a "rich" Canadian do? What on earth do I say? It's easy enough for me to say "God will provide ..." but it doesn't seem genuine considering the crisis hardly changes much in my lifestyle. What is a missionary's role in such a time?
I still have a lot to learn ...
The Hardest Part in Being a Mom ...
Probably your immediate response to the above question was: you can pray. I know I can. But I've discovered something that perhaps many others have discovered: being a mom is hard. In many ways, but in one of the most challenging and underestimated ways: it's desperately hard on my relationship with God. Do any other moms agree? Or am I the only one?
My life is so "busy"--changing diapers, feeding the baby, working at school, finding time for myself ... that it seems like a task to make time for God. The love and time and energy that I once only spent on Christ and Marcel seems to be split three ways now. I have lost my first love--how my heart was so enthralled with Christ for all He is and does.
I get so caught up in loving my son, but fail to acknowledge that "every good and perfect gift" is from God--especially my son. My prayer life is weak--at best. And I'm a missionary! Isn't that my job?
I still have a lot to learn ...
Gratitude
Mercifully, God has been working in my life to experience more gratitude. The life of a missionary is one of paradox: amongst those who are poor, it is so easy to be thankful for all that I have (especially in this time of crisis). Yet, when I hear from home, when I scan my social networks ... I feel like we have so little compared to others back at home.
Thankfully, God has truly filled my heart with peace about being here in Angola. And there is nothing like inner peace to make you grateful for all that you have. I am so grateful for life here: the big and the small things. That being said, please always pray for our hearts to be full of gratitude--because life is still quite easy here ... and it may not always be this way, as those well acquainted with the mission field know.
I still have a lot to learn ...
Prayer
This I can truly say has always been one of my biggest struggles in life--to take time and pray. To spend genuine time talking with God. Listening to God. Lifting up my petitions to God. Thanking God. Being still with God.
In a time and a place where I have no idea what to do about a national crisis, how to be a good mom and love God, how to fill my heart with gratitude ... I know prayer is the answer. I WANT to pray. I know the power of prayer. And yet ... and yet ... it's somehow so very difficult to make the time, to focus my attention. I know I'm not alone in this struggle ... can I hear an "Amen"?
So here's my plan of action for this week ... just one little step. It just occurred to me now. It wasn't preplanned, it just came to mind as I was typing. I'm going to commit half an hour each day to prayer until the next blog. I need the accountability and I need motivation--so there it is. A push in the right direction. And who knows how God will work in this ... what little miracles I might see, what changes in my life might occur. At the very least, one very, very good thing will come of it ... time with God.
I still have a lot to learn ...
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| The "Daily Grind" ... the double entendre of those words seems to perfectly describe my life. |
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